[Natsunaine]

Closed

[Natsunaine]

Empty space-By shadow (me) Slow rock tune.

When i sleep all my thoughts are about you.
Dreaming About the happiness from before.
All the the things that we went through together.
Before you left my love at the door.

you left an empty space. a hole in my heart.
it will never go away as long as were apart.
i wish you would listen to what i have to say.
i will love you always with every passing day
.

now im left alone to forever roam on my own.
people say i should move on and try to find someone new
And al though it my be true no matter how hard i try i cant forget you and some how

you left an empty space. a hole in my heart.
it will never go away as long as were apart.
i wish you would listen to what i have to say.
i will love you always with every passing day

I must move on now and fight through the stuggrle and strife
i must find a new way and go on with my life.
But dont ever forget no matter how far i go through the tough terran.
My heart always love you and it will always be this way.

you left an empty space. a hole in my heart.
it will never go away as long as were apart.

[Natsunaine]

Shadows call By me Slow/Fast rock tune

Darkness calls. By Michael D'amatto

When you feel your to blame and your thoughts are shame.
When The shadows fall and darkness calls.
You'll feel alone. no place to call home.
Dont live in utter doubt. Just find your way out.
Because Your not alone. Ill be your home.

Ill be there when your troubles brew.
There aint nothin' that we cant do.
Im here for you when your tear drops fall.
When no ones around and the darkness calls.

When you feel your to blame and your thoughts are of shame.
When The shadows fall and darkness calls.
You'll feel alone. no place to call home.
Dont live in utter doubt. Just find your way out.
Because Your not alone. Ill be your home.

Ill Light your way through this dark skyed night.
youll make it there despite your fright.
You have the strength to beat the shadows might.
and the darkness will fall and youll win the fight.

When The shadows fall and the darkness calls.
as the demons appear cause all the fear.
Youll fell alone no place to call home.
Dont live in utter doubt Just find your way out.
BeCause now you know your no longer alone.

Dreaming Mid speed rock tune

when you around and your heart full of anger
you make my soul feel like its in danger
But then you go and say that you wanna be with me everyday
I have no feeling My ears are ringing you must be dreaming

You cause my heart to ache you cause it to crack and break
But when i try to forget about you All it does it make my heart feel blue
Why can i get you out of my mind when you are near me its like im paused in time
My heart beats faster and true But All i get is pain when im nice to you

when you around and your heart full of anger
you make my soul feel like its in danger
But then you go and say that you wanna be with me everyday
I have no feeling My ears are ringing you must be dreaming

I feel like falling over When i see you my heart gets coolder
I cant get past this feeling for you and yet i can not say yes too you
You never look my way, a word to me you wont even say, im tired trying everyday

when you around and your heart full of anger
you make my soul feel like its in danger
But then you go and say that you wanna be with me everyday
I have no feeling My ears are ringing you must be dreaming

Now its time to say im giving up you need to stay away
because When your around and your heart full of anger (anger)
You make my soul feel its in danger (danger)
BuT then you and go and say you wanna be me with me everyday
I have no feeling my ears are ringing you must be dreaming!

[Asami]

These are actually really good ^^ keep up the good work!
You should record them so we can hear how they sound :3

[Natsunaine]

yay :D

[Gallagher]

... I've been putting this off for a while.

First off, I have to say that I have a hard time imagining the music that might go with these, and without knowing the sound, I really can't say at all how it stands musically.

From a writing perspective, however...

They all seem fairly cookie-cutter. The themes, rhymes, and visuals are all pretty common and overdone. There's nothing all that memorable about them at this point. I know that for the songs that I listen to, that's a huge downer. Unless you can get the feeling just right with the music and vocals, it will be easy to hear no feeling behind the words, and feeling is the most important thing in music.

I know for a fact, however, that many songs and types of music DO do well even without the most amazing lyrics. If you're looking to be deep... sorry, you're just not hitting it. If you're looking to be catchy or 'stuck in your head', though, you certainly still have a chance with these.

[Natsunaine]

I was going for more catchy lol, wasn't gonna try the real deep emotional stuff until after i published a few good songs. i have deep emotional songs i have writen though i can post those later i just dont reall feel up to doing it right now

[Gallagher]

I'm under the general state of mind that it's best to be true to yourself from the start.

[Natsunaine]

Ya, Well these type lyric were what my band agreed on for our starter music. Like you i wanted to start off with just who we were as a band and being true to ourselves, But it was a 3 to 1 vote so there is really nothing i can do about it at this point.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Besides agreeing with everything Galla mentioned, I'll add one other thing about the way you've presented these. And hopefully you'll suffer me a brief contextual anecdote for illustration purposes.

You see, my father purchased me an expensive collector's edition of My Dying Dride's album, Evinta, which I had long treasured for the poetry of its lyrics. However, upon opening the lavish, elaborate companion book to the album to look them over, I noticed... several errors, mostly typos. Despite my attachment to the lyrics, I can no longer listen to or read them without thinking of those errors. They have literally ruined one of my favorite albums for me, coming from such a high-quality product that way.

Now, obviously this isn't a deluxe masterpiece publication you have here, but the point still stands: I can't personally get anything out of what you have posted here, because the typos and misspellings are simply too distracting. I always feel bad telling people this, but it's a hard truth that careless errors like that make it look like the writer doesn't take their work seriously or value it enough to polish it up, so I inevitably end up coming to the conclusion, then neither should I.

But, I must stress, I am both supremely critical of writing of any kind, and have very specific tastes. My opinion should be taken in context of that, and, as such, probably isn't of much relevance to what you're trying to achieve. But, this is the writing forum, and all I have here to judge is the lyrics themselves, as writing.

[Natsunaine]

i dont focus on spelling/grammar until i completely finish the song.

[Gallagher]

I'd think that keeping adequate spelling and grammar would be something to strive for consistently, rather than just hoping it all gets caught in editing. Needing to fix poor grammar can end up really altering a line.

[Liena]

I adore the poems, for some reason I like the rhymes.

[Natsunaine]

They are all songs actually i have yet to post my poems, Gall is helping me become a better poet ^^.