[Gallagher]

quiet sad ramblings from a galla

i've been trying all year to get back into working on this around here, and every time i feel like i'm ready, i check in around the forums and there's always someone talking about glitch. still talking about her. talking about her again. mentioning her, i'm positive with no ill will whatsoever. but it does something to me.

i think about the projects we were working on. the lighthearted promises. things we were excited for.

i think about the gifts she's given me, still in my room. still in my bed. i sleep with them every night.

that's a lie. not with all of them. one i gave away to my nephew, because i know she would have approved of the gesture. he loved stealing things from my room. when he stole something she had given me, i couldn't find it in myself to take it back from him. he's back at his own home now, with a baby sister, and i'll never know if it will get taken care of or not. it doesn't matter. i still have mine, and i still look after it, checking that it's still there beside me every night.

a piece of me died with her, and regrowing it is painful. i can't do it. i am doing it. it feels hopeless. i've already made progress. it's neverending.

i can't be here today. i desperately, with my entire being, want to be here again. i want to enjoy what we've created together. i can't do it today.