[Scintilla]

So.
Um.

Here's where I put my poetry~ C:

But..it gets depressing. ; ^ ; *bows* Apologies in advance.

HERE WE GO:

The Death of a Butterfly

A carcass filled with butterflies
Oh how beautiful they seem
Flowing out
Of this cold human body
Once their wings
Flutter into
Warm summer air
They're gone.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

That's an interesting poem, I like the idea you have behind it. It's an image I haven't seen before. The actual wording feels so-so if you don't my saying, but I like the overall picture. :)

[Suzerain of Sheol]

I find that the ad-verbs weaken it considerably, they add a vagueness to the language that really doesn't belong in poetry. Just me, but reading it in my head skipping over them, it sounded a lot stronger.

[Scintilla]

@Quiet Man: Ahh, yeah, I kinda made that one up on the spot, so not as...deep as the other ones, I guess? D:

@Suze: Thank you for the feedback! C: Hmmm, I do agree with you..*goes to edit*

[Quiet Man Cometh]

I don't really think there's an issue with depth, it's the meaning you have behind it so far that I like. I just think the way it was written could be better. Poetry doesn't need fancy language or anything, but it looks like it could use some polish.

[Scintilla]

Mmn, yeah, I see what you mean. C:

I mean, I wrote it down kinda rushed because this idea just like
BOOMED into my head and I was all like *mad man typing skills*

and yeah. XD Might revise le poem later. C:

[Quiet Man Cometh]

I do the same thing. :). I have poems and such written on the back of reciepts and what not when the idea strikes. Some poems get editted years after the fact. Some things I just keep tweeking.

[Scintilla]

Ahh, yes, so many thoughts at once, I can hardly keep them straight. ; w ;

Here's something I did a while ago:
=
The Dark

Pitch Black
It reaches out
and grabs me
pulls me to its side
so that it
won't be lonely
anymore

[Quiet Man Cometh]

I like this one too, though again, I think the writing cold be better. One of the things to watch out for when writing free verse is to arrange it so that it feels like a poem, and not merely prose with line breaks. I'm not sure if there is a method for doing that. I just experiment.

I wonder if that piece wouldn't work just as well if it were written as a piece of microfiction.

[Scintilla]

Mmmn, Imma sound dumb for saying this, but what is Microfiction? D:

Also, I do know what you're talking about now, though the way I write is more abstract and conceptual than the 'standard poem.' I believe that if I write with the bare minimum, then it will let the readers imagine. After all, a poem is meant to convey feelings to the reader, and trigger their inner thoughts that relate to it.


...At least that's what I think. o v o;

[Quiet Man Cometh]

Microfiction and flashfiction are the same thing, more or less. It's fiction written on a very tiny level. Flash fiction on some websites is defined as any story under 1000 words, but it can be much smaller than that. One frequent exercise I've seen is to write a story in five sentences, that is, establish the setting, plot, beginning, middle, end, etc, all in that amount of space. In many cases the details are implied rather than stated but it's a challenge to do and I think fun.

In the few words you have up there you've already got something of a story. You have a setting (it's dark), characters (the speaker and the darkness) and a goal/motivation for the darkness.

[Scintilla]

Ahh, I see what you mean now. o x o

However, I took more of a psychological viewpoint on this, if I were to explain it...

Depression.
It reaches out and grabs you when you least expect it.
It swallows you whole, and you can't climb out of it, and all because this depression we speak of? It is just lonely.

I do see your point thought, taking that sort of approach also sounds very interesting.

[Quiet Man Cometh]

That's interesting. I have problems with depression myself and I actually found the peom to be somewhat comforting. It starts of somewhat depressing or frightening, but the image of lonely darkness takes away some of the apprehension. It's not so scary anymore because it's acting out of lonelyness and not out of any sort of evil.

Don't fret if that isn't at all what you intended. Poems can be read any number of ways and I've been shocked at what some people have interpreted from my writings. This is what I think when I read the poem.

[Scintilla]

Mm, yes, I do believe that is actually what I intended to convey! :'D <3 I wanted to provide a sense of 'security' through 'ambiguity,' so to speak. C: