[Stabbsworth]

that jobseeking site had some issues a while back, they're resolved, but god. my older brother gets really fucking pissy if something dares to not go his fucking way. or if i can't play tech support well enough.

my mother's a brilliant parent for not kicking him out and essentially subjecting me to years upon years of mental + emotional abuse from him. yeah, clearly that's good parenting and bound to teach me what the real world is like.

it's almost like retail.

suicide cw.

i've also been thinking about killing myself because there's no fucking way i'm going to be able to get out of this household in this fucking economy.

also i stepped on a slug a few days ago and moved my set-up to be upstairs (it's a laptop on a sort of. platform thing that is supposed to connect with a usb to provide extra cooling, but i don't have a usb-on-usb lead, it works well enough and provides extra airflow).

[Kaderin Triste]

Can't wait until the new people at the coffee shop are trained properly. XP

I asked for a large, hot latte. She charged me for a large, then a couple minutes later passed me a MEDIUM, LUKEWARM AT BEST latte and walked away before I could say anything. And because I have to walk to work, I didn't have time to wait to try to catch her attention.

[KittyBeary]

Not feeling the best today. Kinda shaky, not feeling like eating much, and anxiety seems to have spiked.

Hope I feel better tomorrow. :(

[Merskelly Metalien]

Heyyy, my feelings of depression came back again! ;u;
For no reason...yay.
;_; Great going to sleep and waking up with, "Your friends have forgotten you, because you're so damn forgettable." and "You stink. You're a weakling." and who can forget, "Who would ever even wanna be friends with you?" ?

;U; </3 Well, I guess I'll just self-comfort and read today to distract myself. ;-; Not that anyone cares, but I bought me some fuse beads to practice making pixel art stuff with...mainly Pokémon sprites. I don't even know when I'll have time to even try it out...with homework and self-care and chores and academic financial woes... ;n; And I'm tired from working all weekend long...
But, whatever I guess. >n> I'll get through it eventually...

[Kory]

Heyy, I know I've been super absent here lately,
But I am very concerned for you. :(

Are you getting any support IRL right now?

Originally Posted by Voidbarker

that jobseeking site had some issues a while back, they're resolved, but god. my older brother gets really fucking pissy if something dares to not go his fucking way. or if i can't play tech support well enough.

my mother's a brilliant parent for not kicking him out and essentially subjecting me to years upon years of mental + emotional abuse from him. yeah, clearly that's good parenting and bound to teach me what the real world is like.

it's almost like retail.

suicide cw.

i've also been thinking about killing myself because there's no fucking way i'm going to be able to get out of this household in this fucking economy.

also i stepped on a slug a few days ago and moved my set-up to be upstairs (it's a laptop on a sort of. platform thing that is supposed to connect with a usb to provide extra cooling, but i don't have a usb-on-usb lead, it works well enough and provides extra airflow).

[Kaderin Triste]

Fuse bead pixel art! That stuff is super cool and I wanna see the stuff you make when you have time to do stuff, Merskelly!

[Merskelly Metalien]

I made Beedrill today. ._.
Needed a lot more black than I realized.
But it looks accurate.
I'm gonna dump it and make a different Pokémon tho,
the Beedrill was just practice. <BT

[Stabbsworth]

Originally Posted by Ava

Heyy, I know I've been super absent here lately,
But I am very concerned for you. :(

Are you getting any support IRL right now?

very literally cannot get support because i'm pretty sure that therapists cost. good fucking luck finding one in this dead-end town.

[Merskelly Metalien]

<B/
Woke up sad.
Went to work with my mask.
Both literal mask and mask I keep as a outer façade to convince people I'm constantly okay.
3 hours before I get off of work, I am exhausted of people.
Being around them.
Talking to customers. Directing them.
Talking to my co-workers. Asking them for help.
Walking around people. Answering their questions.
Making eye contact.
Saying, "excuse me, sorry." 50 times.
I can only suppress my social anxiety for so long.
:(
I needed to text a friend.
Not the best idea.
But I needed to hear back something that wasn't one or two words.
<_> Feels like everyone is too busy for me.
Feels like nobody cares.
Feels like everyone secretly hates me.
:'( Listening to my sad playlist now to validate my feelings.
/=_=\; I wanna write, but I have homework to do for tonight...
Feel like crying but I don't wanna worry anybody...Feel more emptiness than anything actually...I don't think I can cry. <-<
.....anyways. TIME TO MAKE JOKES AS I DO! 8) <3

[Kaderin Triste]

Don't mind me "facilities" person who has quit and is supposedly only helping us out a couple hours per week until we find someone new and didn't have to come back in to clean up anything from the rental tbh because I was gonna take care of it anyway...I'll just be sitting down here at the deck having anxiety and ptsd flashbacks from my childhood, (when my dad would get angry and yell and throw things, rip bear cookie jar) while you're upstairs having your temper-tantrum because the people from the rental came in and shoved your clean linens in a basket to "help cleanup" because they didn't know better because they didn't bother to stop in at the gift shop first so I could tell them not to do anything with them.

[KittyBeary]

I goofed up when cooking tonight. ;-; Tried to see if a pan was cooled off enough to touch and it wasn't so my reflex ended up grazing my eyebrow with the knife I was holding.

GOODJOBKAT YOU HAD ONE JOB uwu

[Merskelly Metalien]

;_; Nothing wrong with taking a day for personal health...nothing wrong...I'm in pain and I am sad and I can't work like this. ;~; </3

I ate the green stuff and drank water and took care of you body! Why oh why are you still trying to kick my ass, huh period??? TTnTT </3

I feel so alone and gross and horrible and I just wanna lay here and cry. ;___; Why shouldn't I not go to work? I might pass out or worse, not feel well enough to even make it home...I can't work efficiently like this! I'd be useless! I feel useless. ;n;

Uuuuugghhhhhhh my cramps are awful. My gas is a pain. Ontop of it all I can't go back to sleep and it's almost 3 AM. ;_; </3 It's always the worst on the second day...and it's the second day...

Edit:
Had a crying workout in the shower...
Feel like sh*t...
I'm the worst employee...
I don't even deserve to eat...
..damn this depression is hitting hard... ;_; I wish I wasn't so good at beating myself up, and thinking of only the worst...

[Kory]

I finally found all of my old manga in a box I didn't think to look in!
It was great seeing my old books again...

*tw* p*dophila mentioned

But I feel strange about my Azumanga Daioh manga... The casual p*dophilia is hard to read, especially how they kinda make jokes about it. I didn't realize it as a kid, but now that I'm an adult... It kinda ruins the whole thing for me. :(


I've been super excited about Inuyasha as well... but the character Miroku kinda gives me a sick feeling as well. The way he basically sexually assaults/harasses young women... It makes me very uncomfortable and I usually have to speed through any scenes involving him and young women. I guess it's because I've been in situations like that where a guy just randomly touches you and you have no control of it and all you can do is try to move away.

It brings back... not very good memories and that SUCKS because Inuyasha used to be my absolute favorite anime. I kid you not, I watched that show religiously. I bought all the Inuyasha movies on blu-ray! I have a Sesshōmaru wall scroll! I pretty much bought the first two seasons of Inuyasha on those crappy DVDs that only give you four episodes at a time because the show was still airing on Adult Swim!

I loved that show. A lot of my life revolved around it...

But it feels... tainted now? The fun I used to have while watching it is kinda... soiled? I feel like I have to speed through a lot of the Miroku scenes and that kills me because he's in almost ALL the episode. >:

[KittyBeary]

Today has become incredibly awful after hearing about Glitch.

</3

[Merskelly Metalien]

<:C *pats Kitty*
I'm sad too...
I feel guilty for not chatting with her more...

[KittyBeary]

Same. ;_; I did chat with her in her hangout thread sometimes.

Though lately I haven't been much active on here, but I'm trying to post more again. :C