[Espy]

That's my favorite stanza. First stanza's my second favorite :|

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Paramnesia

Divest

Lift your dress

Evolution does not require consent

Nor the Will of God

Divest

Abandon your skin

A decapitated pig in fishnet tights

The illusion of illusions like the seams of a puppet

Divest

Shed the mask

That boring lightning behind your eyes

A dark wet bloody ego

Divest

Desire absent context

A bullet for the monster on the other side of the mirror

Divest

Sidereal lack of meaning

Divest

The abyss is weeping

Divest

The question was never what was real

The self transcending the delusion of self

A chain of photonic consequences invalidating the concept of cause

A light that defines infinity but is by definition finite

This moral barricade dividing nature's own nature

This failing morale of what is natural and ineffable

Divest

Autoannihilating star

String cut from filaments of human bone

Heaps of eyes in the shape of human hearts blind to anything but the sight of other eyes

Divest

Love expressed logarithmically

Tree hanging from noose

Earth rising to give life to Sun

Matter canceling matter

Love annihilating love

Divest

Salvation at the center of a black hole like the illusion of a suicidal star

Sunlight translated via blind eyes into a delusion of evolution

A bullet of raw light transcending the hole in a bloody dress

An abyssal God bringing moral failure to weeping pigs

A dark wet mask on a decapitated puppet that does not consent

Fishnet of sidereal string dividing the seams of the will

Divest

The consequence of meaning

Abandoning nature

A blind barricade of trees with human skin

Invalidated blood shed for what is not real

Divest

Ego

Divest

Matter

Divest

Love

Divest

Absence

Divest

Light

Divest

Delusion

Divest

Salvation

Divest

Self

Divest



Divest



Divest



Divest



Divest

[Gallagher]

it's been 7 months

no one cares about you anymore



anyway, i'm a big fan of the pacing of this one. the start of "divest" 3 lines, "divest" 3 lines, sets up an expectation that quickly falls apart as the number of lines get shorter and sound more frantic, then suddenly lines upon lines are dumped like overflowing thoughts and desperate hands trashing all of the subjects away. then, the breakdown into single words becomes a beautiful grasp at the last remnants to be destroyed.

my favorite line is "A dark wet mask on a decapitated puppet that does not consent"

i give it a solid uuhhhhhhh 82.8 out of 86.7

[Suzerain of Sheol]

I was very proud of that line after it spontaneously occurred to me. >__>

Though, perhaps not quite so enamored of it as the previous line about the pigs. <__<

[Quiet Man Cometh]

This was certainly fun to read. Some parts seem to make more sense if you read them backwards.

Or perhaps, make a different kind of sense, like backwards logorithmically expressed love.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Judas and the Valkyrie

noise and Hell

the setting of the sun from one perspective

or an obvious call to arms

a civilization performing a psychic autopsy

like a play with no audience

an undead philosopher clutching a blank banner

the meaning of all the universe in soaking white

the red-shifted event horizon of the post-social mind

as the last messiah dies unheard of

a fake opinion drowned in rain

another casualty of conception

the medical malfeasance of holy creation

of sick brains infested with tumors called souls

emotions dividing like comforting cancers

an idiot Godhead of burlesque nihilism

growing bored of Armageddon

a cosmos incinerated by ignorance

unnecessary defeat

with every mind the emperor of its own truth

gerrymandered immortality

an artificial limb choking its host

free-market funerals deciding the value of life

the sun shining ever more brightly

nothing to worry about

[Gallagher]

"an undead philosopher clutching a blank banner"

me

"the meaning of all the universe in soaking white"

my favorite line tbh

"another casualty of conception"

also me

"an artificial limb choking its host"

me next plz, ty

[Rainbowfox Ari]

You asked Galla to ask me to comment on what I thought of this poem, so here goes.

I thought your usage of dark language was appropriate for the type of poem it was and conveyed your meaning well enough. However, like in most of your work, your use of less-common vocabulary is going to leave the modern everyman in the dust in terms of cognizant understanding of the intent of the work.

It would be a far more poignant statement if you were to use language most people could actually understand without having to yank out a dictionary, which ruins the flow of the piece. Even so, the depressed state of this particular work is quite clear, even if it's not my cuppa.

However, I think it could have benefitted from a simpler language, and a few punchy lines to get your meaning across. Other than that, great job. ^^

[Suzerain of Sheol]

I would direct you to the easily-overlooked line

as the last messiah dies unheard of

That isn't merely an edgy invocation, The Last Messiah is the title of one of the foundational essays of Antinatalism, describing a quasi myth about the last "heroic" human to make the decision not to reproduce at the end of the world.

So, I'd say I agree with you, the poem being opaque and borderline impenetrable is part of the metaphor.

Or put more bluntly, modern everypersons are my sworn enemy. :|

[Quiet Man Cometh]

Use it or lose it. The average layperson can darn well improve their vocabulary or we all sink into linguistic oblivion as the lowest common denominator gets lower and lower.

I'd say something on the poem except that my comprehension is somewhat dulled right now from spending the last day ill. I feel I could have a chat with that messiah, though.

[Gallagher]

Originally Posted by Quiet Man Cometh

Use it or lose it. The average layperson can darn well improve their vocabulary or we all sink into linguistic oblivion as the lowest common denominator gets lower and lower.

this reminds me, i was just telling dead earlier that it's bullshit that 'mischievious' is considered completely incorrect instead of a variant of 'mischievous' like it should be, considering i have literally never heard anyone in my real life use 'mischievous' and even when you look it up polls always say it's a 50/50 split on the spelling

like i know the average person is dumb and all, but after a point you have to wonder if it's a linguistic abomination trying to take hold or just, you know, language doing what it do

anyway i spell it 'mischievious' despite knowing it's incorrect

cuz i'm an asshole

have a nice day

[Espy]

I'm not doing the words thing well, so I'm just going to say that I really feel this one.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Considering what was going through my head when I was writing it, I'm not convinced that's remotely a good thing. :X

[Quiet Man Cometh]

Not being quite as intellectually challenge as previously I find that, while reading this, I tend to flip between metaphorical references and images of today's political environment.

Is the blank, white banner of the universe showing that it's empty of meaning, or is a sign of surrender from the messiah holding it?

or both.

Is the event-horizon tinged red from emotional disturbance or reference to a "sunset" of the universe, or are we talking political "reds?"

or both.

Maybe the last messiah holding the empty banner of his opinion is drowned under media "fake news!" and not quite dead for the lingering spirit of a diseased cognition that come with having been born in the first place.

Did I just get weird?

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Originally Posted by Quiet Man Cometh

Is the blank, white banner of the universe showing that it's empty of meaning, or is a sign of surrender from the messiah holding it?

I think that question is a conflation of 4 different lines out of order, but the answer is obviously both. :P

Is the event-horizon tinged red from emotional disturbance or reference to a "sunset" of the universe, or are we talking political "reds?"

The second one, and I really hate that I didn't think of the third at the time so I'm just going to retroactively take credit for it.

Maybe the last messiah holding the empty banner of his opinion is drowned under media "fake news!" and not quite dead for the lingering spirit of a diseased cognition that come with having been born in the first place.

Well, yeah. Duh.

Did I just get weird?

Don't worry, you are always weird.

[Suzerain of Sheol]

Taking Ari's advice, I have written a far more accessible poem. :)

Cave-In

it had to happen eventually
the half-life of the social edifice
regression toward the mean

a very special day

insane sophists lighting the pyre
finding kindling everywhere they look
Samsara to muddy ashes
6.62607004 x 10^-34 sparking up like jet fuel
immolation of the Cartesian id
poetry's holocaust

this is the metanoia of a solipsist
a god made of broken atomic clocks
a sphere crushed by failing imagination
thoughts like love and murder boiled into tedious dreams
every version of oneself cramped in a single brain

and the gorgon laid its kiss upon Sophia's lips
petrifying resurrection
still wet with the aborted sludge of the self-spawned aeon
the stillborn phoenix of human endeavor crashed to earth like a failing s-n

catatonic Bodhisattvas mainlining every potential of pain
the ur-truth of the sexual monomyth
meiosis on the suicide spectrum
sublime libido as the glimpse of a Seraphim

here and then gone
disintegrated carbon stirred by divine wind
the form and void of a nesting doll
the flayed skin of better philsophers peeling away

screams like the background microwaves of one of those universes that didn't work
one cosmic mind created by an idiot's scribal error
dead watches washing ashore on a random planet
proto-people killing god with an illiterate crucifix

a day to smash all the mirrors

a day to test if Charon is actually a capitalist

a day where we told the last good idea
I don't think so