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Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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#17 | |||
If you wouldn't mind a suggestion, I think having her recall it in very brief trauma-flashbacks while she's doing other things could be very effective. Give it to the reader in little pieces until it catches with where she is currently. I'd advise italicizing those parts, if you decide to do that.
And, I just started Andrew's section. Another example of the show/tell thing, when you describe his fiancee, it evokes nothing in me. You're just stating facts without giving me a reason to empathize with them. Rather than just bluntly throw the concepts out there, let the reader actually see them and come to those conclusions on their own. Like, have Andrew remember something briefly that made him love his fiancee so much, just a small moment that meant a lot to him, as an example. Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 07-28-2011, 06:22 PM |
#18 |
gremlin
Posty McPostsALot
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That wouldn't be such a bad idea. She could be doing things or seeing things that remind her of her life before the virus occurred. I'm sorry about that, but thank you so much for pointing this all out for me. You have no clue how thankful I am about this. No one has told me this. I don't mind doing sexual things. Would it be a good idea to make him remember a moment where they made love passionately? I could write up something right now as an example. call me grem they/them | ||||
Posted 07-28-2011, 06:25 PM |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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#19 | |||
If that's what you think would show it best, go for it.
Just don't expect me to go over it with a fine-toothed comb, I'm not especially fond of such scenes. :p Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 07-28-2011, 06:31 PM |
#20 |
gremlin
Posty McPostsALot
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It's just an idea, it wouldn't be explicit. I'm writing a book not a porno. I was thinking that maybe when Kimberly remembers her life before the virus, it could be happy, personal memories. With friends and family. It could make the reader get to know her better. call me grem they/them | ||||
Posted 07-28-2011, 06:33 PM |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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#21 | |||
Yes, I imagine that would work.
Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 07-28-2011, 06:34 PM |
#22 |
gremlin
Posty McPostsALot
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I might be a bit distracted by writing. Edit: Thank you for all of your help. :) call me grem they/them
Last edited by gremlin; 07-28-2011 at 06:42 PM.
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Posted 07-28-2011, 06:35 PM |
Suzerain of Sheol
Desolation Denizen
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#23 | |||
I'm sorry, Neirra, I've got a lot of stuff to do for the rest of tonight, and I'll be busy all day tomorrow. We'll have to pick up on this again over the weekend.
Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. Between supposed brothers. | ||||
Posted 07-28-2011, 08:06 PM |
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